Reality check

Throughout my pregnancy I became very frustrated by how most doctors seemed to have what I perceived as an overly negative view of my health and potential for a successful pregnancy. At 16 weeks one doctor told me I was carrying too much weight to have a healthy pregnancy (a statement he later denied saying but I recorded and wrote about at the time), despite all my medical tests - including blood pressure, cholesterol and kidney function - all being well-within the normal range. The BMI figure seemed to rule above all. The fact I was in my late 30s, got pregnant through IVF and my mum died of a diabetes-related heart attack probably added to their concerns.

One woman I knew said that while she understood my frustration, I should take the view that if the doctors were so busy looking for something going wrong, if something did in fact go wrong, it would be picked up right away. I knew she was right but I struggled not to rile against the fat prejudice - the medical negativity only eased up once I had passed 30 weeks of pregnancy with perfectly healthy blood pressure and no gestational diabetes developing (much to the surprise of nearly every doctor I encountered).

Despite the dire predictions I ended up having the most boringly healthy pregnancy on record; the only medical issues - an iron deficiency, a vitamin D deficiency, and mild carpel tunnel in one hand towards the end of the pregnancy - were conditions common in pregnant women of all ages and weights. I went into labour naturally at just under 41 weeks and had a vaginal birth, albeit with the assistance of drugs and some light forceps work at the end, and delivered an extremely strong and healthy baby.

Three weeks later I decided I was really glad the doctors had watched me like a hawk. Another girl I knew - five years younger, physically fit and with a 'normal' BMI (for what that is worth), who had had a perfectly normal healthy pregnancy, went into labour at a well-known private hospital and things started to go very wrong. Am emergency Cesarean was required, for some reason there was a delay and her baby was born extremely ill. The baby was rushed to one of the big public hospitals while mum was stitched up. A few hours later mum was back for a second round of surgery due to a post-pregnancy complication. For the next week mum was recovering in the private hospital while her child was 20km away in the neonatal intensive care unit of the public hospital. The child is still in intensive care while mum is back home but dependent on others to take her to visit her kid as she is not able to drive due to her surgery.

For all the faults and complaints about public hospitals, they are definitely the place you want to be if something goes wrong. There are always numerous doctors around who can and will drop their non-emergency cases to attend to a real emergency. (That's why non-emergency patients always end up waiting so long to be seen.) I always said that I would rather give birth on a trolley in the corridor of Box Hill Hospital than in an architecturally-designed private hospital room because at least at Box Hill there would be experienced doctors available any time, day or night. Fortunately we live in the catchment zone for one of the best maternity hospitals in the state and during my pregnancy we confirmed that if something went wrong during the birth our baby could be treated in the same hospital as me.

I now fully appreciate that if the extremely rare unexpected birthing emergency after a textbook pregnancy case had happened to be me, having doctors who were constantly looking for something going wrong meant that it would have been picked up very early - and it would have been far less likely for there to be any delays in terms of conducting an emergency Cesarean or transferring a newborn to specialist intensive care.

Hannah is One (month)

She blitzed all her four-week developmental milestones at today's appointment with the maternal & child health nurse.

She's gained 480g over the past fortnight and has grown proportionately in length and head diameter.

Hannah is pictured with a teddy bear sent to her from America from her Aunty Kimmy and cousin Isabella (Bella).

It takes two

I have a new respect for single parents. I don't know how they do it. The above photo was taken this morning with one hand - the other was expressing milk. Hannah's father was giving her a feed despite just having come back from the doctor where he had a cyst on his ear drained. This entailed getting a local anaesthetic which was beginning to wear off so he was in a bit of pain. He's trying to look like he's suffering but his love for Hannah still comes through.

Of course a properly organised parent would time the expressing of milk between feeds - but "properly organised parent" is an oxymoron as babies, especially newborns, have their own opinions on when they want to be fed and a baby who has happily gone 3 1/2 hours between feeds for several days will demand a feed at 2 1/2 hours the moment you've got yourself busy with something else.

First roll!

At 26 days of age Hannah did a completely unaided roll from her front to back. I wouldn't dare type this except we have external witnesses including my friend Nat who is a maternal and child health nurse and, like most medical professionals who encounter Hannah, was pretty gob-smacked at Hannah's strength and development.

I'd put Hannah on her tummy after a feed and change where she first impressed Nat by pushing herself up on her arms and lifting her head and turning it towards Nat. Then completely unexpectedly Hannah did a roll.

Of course it could be months before she does this again (according to Nat, rolling is a 4 month developmental milestone) but there is no doubt that Hannah is a very strong and determined little baby who has already blitzed her 1 month developmental milestones.

The Milkmaid of Hurstbridge

"Breast is best" all the books and midwives and other experts say. What they fail to mention is that "bigger is not always better" when it comes to breast feeding.


As can be seen in the above picture there can be some logistical difficulties for a small baby trying to attach to large breasts - particularly when the nipples have completely flattened out.

So I have been expressing milk out of my breasts with an electric pump and Jeff and I have been feeding Hannah using a bottle.


When even the lactation consultant says “I don’t think it really matters in the end if she never attaches given that you are going so well with the expressing…” you know it’s not just a case of not persisting long enough.

Fortunately supply isn't an issue - we've stockpiled already an additional week's worth of breast milk in the freezer downstairs.


Hannah is very independent and already trying to feed herself.


Did I mention that she is less than a month old?

Birth notice

Published in the Australian Jewish News (Melbourne edition)
Friday 12 March 2010.

Things I never expected

Almost from the moment that I became pregnant with Hannah, she/nature/biology took over my mind as well as my body. Pregnancy, birth and now parenting has been filled with numerous unexpected experiences - many far more positive than I ever expected.

I never expected:

• To have had as healthy pregnancy as I did
• To (for the most part) enjoy my pregnancy as much as I did
• To become so in tune with my body
• To be so overwhelmed by the physical pain of childbirth - but not care
• To watch my breasts grow in size from Enormous to Freaky to Gigantic and now just plain Huge (please, let them not reach Inconceivable cup size) yet
• To have so much difficulty breastfeeding
• To love Hannah so much from the moment she was born
• To be able to deal with her poo nappies (something I thought I could never do up until the moment I gave birth)
• To be able to respond to her crying, yet not feel irritated by it
• To instinctively know what to do and what Hannah needs a surprising amount of the time
  
• For Hannah to respond so positively to me
• For J & my relationship to be so strengthened by her birth and our joint focus on her, despite the sleep deprivation
  
• To laugh more in the first fortnight after Hannah's birth than during the previous two decades
• To be both changed by parenthood yet remain the same fundamental person
• To be surrounded by so much love and support from some people, a counter balance to the unexpected lack of interest from others
• To have my decisions, values and so forth so reinforced by every moment I spend with her.
  

Is she really only 19 days old?

Jeff and I are struggling to remember a time when Hannah wasn't in our life. Even my pregnancy seems like a distant memory.

Today's pic is Hannah on a blanket sent to her from some family friends (the Gurviches) who I've had very little to do with for several decades. Nonetheless they don't seem hold this against our family, sending Hannah possibly the most awesome blanket ever.

Hannah is wearing a Pumpkin Patch top and Target leggings, courtesy of Sonya, whose daughter is a very convenient 5 months older than Hannah, and is kicking off shoes knitted by mum Margaret.

Wish list

If I could give Hannah anything in the world I wish she could grow up in a world where she would be loved and accepted and valued for who she is, where she would have the opportunity to explore all options and be supported in striving to be the best she could be in whatever it is she wanted to do and where things worked out fairly according to merit rather than according to who you know or what superficial appearance you have.


The world, however, is not like that so her father and I hope to give her the gift of resilience and self-confidence forged through unconditional love, clear boundaries, encouragement and support as she learns about the world and develops her skills, a genuine love of learning (as distinct from mere academic success), a love of animals, a clear set of values, and protection from those whose words and actions erode self-esteem.


We are fortunate to live in a country like Australia where everyone - especially those on the way to owning their own home and earning at least the average annual income - have enough to survive materially. No matter how much one has, there will always be someone who has a bigger income, more expensive clothes, a nicer house, and so forth. The path to true happiness is when one learns to be happy and make the best with what one has rather than always wishing for more.

Our family has benefited enormously from the generosity of others, particularly other parents who have passed on clothes and other items that their children no longer use. As Hannah, at the grand old age of 17 days, grows out of her first lot of clothes we box them up for the next family who will be able to use them.


While gifts are not necessary for Hannah, we know that we have friends and family who want to mark her birth and support us as parents. So while we are not expecting anything from anyone, the following is a guide for those who want it.

The most useful gifts are the practical ones such as:

• Huggies nappies (size 5-11kg)
• Huggies wipes (the refills - we have a dispensing box)
• Gift vouchers for Target, Kmart, Big W and the like (we always seem to need to pick up something else for Hannah from one of these stores)
• Gift vouchers for Baby Bunting and Toys 'r' Us (which we can put towards the purchase of larger items as required as she grows)

Or gifts that reflect Hannah's heritage and/or support lifelong learning such as:

• Hebrew/Yiddish letter puzzles, toys and Jewish books (such as a good English-language children’s version of the Old Testament, children’s Hagadah, guide to the Jewish calendar/festivals, etc)
• Classic children's books (although her bibliophile parents have already built up an impressive collection - maybe run titles past them)
• Quality educational toys

Or a donation in Oxfam in Hannah's honour will go to those who need it most and we will get much more joy from this than another unwanted gift:

• Visit Oxfam Unwrapped and select wish list 622. Oxfam will automatically advise us that you have made a donation in Hannah's honour and you'll receive a receipt that you can use as a tax deduction when you complete next year's tax return.
  

Thank-you very much but thanks to the generosity of friends Hannah already has plenty of:

• newborn clothes - if you want to buy her clothes, please purchase size 00, 0 or even lager (she will grow into them). Pure cotton 'grow suits' with press-studs at the front are the best & she (or her parents!) love bright purple and pinks. Clothes marked 'Low Fire Danger' are preferred - please avoid anything marked 'High Fire Danger' (which we've seen disturbing quantities of at various baby stores). Please don't spend a fortune on a designer item she will grow out of in a matter of weeks or months.
  
• Sleeping/Grow Bags
• Blankets
  

And in obvious news, please, no tacky 'novelty' items such as:

• High-Heel booties
• Credit card teethers
• Offensive 'funny' baby clothes

A growing girl

Hannah is 14 days old and already growing out of some of her 0000 outfits. She has her father's long torso, as well as his colouring, but we think my relatively long legs. She is very strong and feisty.

Here is a pic of her in an outfit given to her by Charly of ixchel bunny fame.